2.2 - Die Another Day. And Another

Hi. Last time we ended the chapter, everyone was left in completely agonising suspense over how Tiger Tiger grows up. Except for me. Hah.

Say hello to the Tiger Toddler. She's got Moses' nose and mouth, Dusk's eye shape and colour, and Fabian throwback hair which was in turn passed down from her great-great-grandfather Hank.

TT: 'Bow down to your new heiress, mm?'

Not so fast. I still like Snooki ;_;. And also, I'd like to try to keep a balanced heir-heiress ratio. 

Meanwhile, in the living room...

Grim: 'Oh, this is awkward...'

Dusk: 'Yeah, you really missed that urn by a mile.'

Grim: 'I'm sorry, I didn't want you to have to see your husband, uh, like this.'

Dusk: 'Can you just clean up here once you're finished?'

Grim: 'Oh, don't worry ma'am. I'm ever the gentleman when it comes to cleaning up after, no matter how messy it gets .'

Dusk: '...Well  it's not like this is the first time the Sims series has had N.P.C.s for that kinda thing. '

Grim: 'WAIT NO YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG IDEA OMG.'

Dusk: 'Please just leave so I can complete this queue of 'Pass Out' in peace.'

Moses: 'Hey Dusk, does something, uh, smell kinda like death in here to you? Hey Dusk? Dusk?'

She got her wish.

Moses: 'Uh, excuse me. Can I get in here? It's kind of, uh, urgent.'

Bouncer: 'Well, my psychic jazz hands say you're only two stars. Minimum is four. Get out.'

Moses: 'But-but, it's really an emergency! I need somewhere to hide, he's coming for me - OH DEAR NO HOMO.'

Bouncher: 'Authority has been upheld. I regret nothing.'

Grim: 'Sigh, Moses. You really can't go a day without this, can you? I do have a schedule to keep to, you know.'

Pile of Ashes Moses: 'I'm sorry, Grim.' :(

Grim: 'We can't keep this up, man. People are starting to get, uh... the wrong idea.'

Moses: 'Yeah, no kidding.'

Morrigan: 'FUUUCK YOU GUYSSSS.'

.__.

Snooki: 'I'M HAVING A BIRTHDAY, BITCH.'

Get crazy, get loud, it's your birthday, go wild~

Snooki: 'You've got your wires crossed, lady. Pirates have nothing to do with ninjas.'

Well, whatever. It was the best thing I could find in C.A.S. for your new trait. Besides, I think you'll find it's you who has their wires crossed. Ninjas are Japanese, and Sim Fu is the only martial art available in this game. You're as confused as Will Smith's son in the Karate Kid.

He's now Disciplined.

Snooki: 'Sim Fu, Karate, whatever. I have Dragon Balls to collect.'

TT: 'My Daddy sucks your Daddy's blood.'

I have never seen a Sim toddler grin until now. And it looks like something that shouldn't happen.

This too.

Fabian! Good to see you. What've you been up to?

Fabian: 'Chillin', dude.'

Fabian: 'And now I'm going to like, totally forego hanging out with my family to go clubbing.'

>:(

I don't think he ever got there anyway, since ghosts are really freaking slow. 

Fabian: 'Naw, it's cool. Got to hang out with my brothers, the trees here.'

Of course.

Anais: 'You see, when the tentacles come out, that's when you know things are starting to get weird.'

I'm not sure this is... at all relevant or appropriate for a toddler's development.

Anais: 'Oh, c'mon. You've heard of a thing called internet, haven't you? Don't tell me this won't be useful to her someday.'

Well, TT is never going near a computer again, if that's the sort of thing in your browser history.

Anais: 'And, as for family history -- fires; we've had a lot of them. Most of them started by your dumbass grandfather. You'll probably start one at some point. If Dusk's hopeless father doesn't burn down half the legacy house first.'

TT: 'Fire!'

Anais: 'Well, I'm glad you have a healthy interest in something.'

Anais: 'Now, dear. I want you to say "love" for me.'

TT: 'Won't.'

Anais: 'C'mon, dear. Won't you warm this old heart once more? I would love my own granddaughter to learn about it, even if I can never again.'

TT: '...' :D

TT: 'Raah! Braaains.'

Anais: 'No, dear. You suck blood, not eat brains. I hope she's not going to grow up species-confused?'

It could happen. I don't plan to stop at vampires. >:D

Oh, and look what happened again.

Don't you have a wife and kids to attend to, Death? 

Grim: 'I... whatever. I can't even be bothered with this today.'

Neither can I.

TT: 'Whatever, we've established the obvious, in that there is simply nothing of above importance to my growing up. Brace yourselves, everyone.'

TT: 'Don't look too closely, my statuesque figure has been known to cause retinal damage.'

Anais: 'I wonder if it's a hereditary thing.'

She also grew up with a bad case of buttsnap, (i.e. when their hands snap behind them)

Anais: 'No, not the buttsnap! My only precious granddaughter. Why!'

Crush: *HM-HM*

Tiger Tiger is now Hot-Headed.

TT: 'What? You got somethin' to say about that?'

I imagine her talking like one of those bosses in the old Mafia movies.

And we will end the chapter on this photo, because it means that Dusk has mastered Drums! Yay! Only one more skill to go. :D

2.1 - Headlock

Moses: 'Hurr hurr, uh, yes. If you could only see me now. Not such a geek, anymore, am I? Now who's the scaredy-bat? Get it, bat? Ehehe.'

God, you are such an incredibly shitty hunter.

Dusk: 'Hunter? Hunting what?'

Moses: 'You must uh, never know, my pretty. Ehehe.' *attempts to look scary, counts to potato instead*

Dusk: 'Moses, you're scaring me. Please stop.'

Moses: 'Yes, how I'd love to grab ahold of that sweet, tender-'

Dusk: 'Moses, I warned you. You'll stop.' *puts in headlock*

Moses: 'OW, Dusk! I'm sorry darling, I was just, uh, getting in the spirit of the character.'

Dusk: 'I'm sorry? What character?'

Moses: 'Oh uh, never mind that, darling. Hehe.'

Dusk: 'Moses?'

Moses: 'Yes, dear?'

Dusk: 'You know, sweetheart, I've noticed you've been acting very differently, lately. And you should know, that I do appreciate your hobbies, and want to nurture your interests. But I think it's time I put my foot down.'

Dusk: 'No more Twilight. None. Nada.'

Moses: 'Hmph.'

Dusk: 'I think I know where you're getting these silly roleplaying ideas from, and I don't like it. If I catch you reading the books, reciting quotes. If you so much as scream, "BITE ME, EDWARD!" next time we have sex - I will personally stake, and burn every copy you own. Got it?'

Moses: 'HMPH.'

Dusk: 'I don't even see why you like those movies! They're so gross. That birth scene was so graphic. Eugh, I don't know how you stand it.'

Moses: 'Well, dear. You see, the baby was, uh, half-vampire, so it made it impossible for a normal deliv-'

Moses: *CHOKE*

Dusk: 'I don't feel so good.'

Moses: 'Dear, you're not, uh, pregnant again, are you?'

Their discussion was interrupted, by something else more important than vampire babies going on in the house.

Fabian: 'Maan, this stuff is intense. It's like my crotch just dropped E.'

Fabian: 'Oh, whoa. This is getting a little too real. Guys?'

'Duude. They sold me ectoplasm. Not cool man, not cool.'

Dusk: 'Grim. Before I'm a Coward, I'm a gracious host. Please do come in.'

Moses: 'AUGHUUUAUGH GET AWAY FROM ME.'

Dusk: 'Sweetheart, you're being exceptionally rude to our guest. I swear to God I will put you in a headlock agai- OW, DAMMIT!'

Anais: 'Out of the way, princess. I'm not going to be the one to let the ruler of the underworld in.'

Dusk: 'OW! OW! Can't any remember your manners?!'

Moses: 'Oh good, we've lost him. We're, uh, safe here guys.'

Dusk: 'BOOHOOHOO, MY FAMILY ARE ALL A BUNCH OF MANNERLESS HOOLIGANS.'

Anais: 'My sweet husband!'

Moses: 'Oh, uh, maybe not.'

Grim: 'Oh my God, I'm so sorry!'

Dusk: 'WAAHH I DON'T WHAT HURTS WORSE, THE FACT THAT THE GRIM REAPER JUST DROVE A DOOR THROUGH MY HEAD, OR THE FACT THAT MY FAMILY DON'T KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE THEMSELVES IN FRONT OF A GUEST.'

Grim: 'How about the fact, that your father just died?'

Dusk: 'Oh yeah, that. UWAHHHH.'

Anais: 'Oh my poor darling! He was barely 90. How will I cope?'

Moses: 'Should I tell them? This is kind of uncomfortable.'

Nah, let them have their fun.

Fabian: 'Noo, Grim! Please don't take me man, my family need me!'

Grim: 'Fabian Hex, that is the least believable excuse possible, as to why I should save your ass. Your wife and daughter can't even mourn your death convincingly.

Fabian: 'Aww, c'mon. I haven't even tried Blue Ivy yet.'

Grim: 'Blue Ivy? Isn't that Beyonce's kid. Geesh, celebrities.'

Fabian: 'I know, dude! And now she's got dope named after her.'

Grim: 'Whatever, not happening asshole.'

Grim: *swish*

That was weird. I've never seen Grim do that before. Fabian really didn't want to go. o_o

Here lies Fabian Hex, a pretty decent legacy founder. Made some pretty cute babies, and also successfully enhanced that chair on the left, with SCIENCE. 

R.I.P. Fabulous Fabian, may you rest in the sky with diamonds.

And true to her word, Dusk was a gracious host before she was a Coward, politely waiting for Grim to leave before passing out.

Anais: 'DAMMIT, Dusk. This is all your fault! If you hadn't opened the door for that damn Reaper, your father would still be here! How could you do that to us?'

Dusk: 'W-well, I'm just sorry for...'

Dusk: '...remembering my manners!' *SOB*

Anais: 'There there, dear. I'm sorry to be so hard on you. I know that door hit you in the head a good couple of times. Now, you know what always cheers me up?'

Dusk: 'W-what?'

Anais: 'A PILLOW FIGHT!'

And so they did. As you do, when your elderly father dies.

Anais: 'PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE SPINE SLICER - oh dear, I'm going to need a shoulder replacement.'

And what followed - due to my noobish lack of picture-taking - was an exceptionally shitty and non-linear sequence of photos, even by my standards.

First of all, Snooki grew up, and I forgot to take a makeover after shot. You'll see him later. Hopefully.

Second of all, Dusk is pregnant.

Dusk: 'YOU DON'T SAY.'

Anais: 'Oh Fabian. I've been writing books for thirty years, and I'm lost for words. What would you do in this situation?'

Anais: 'Ah yes, of course. That'll make a nice plot device. Thank you, dear.'

The thing is, that she's writing a trashy novel. Trashy is Anais' specialty genre.

Dusk: 'Not to interrupt my mother's tender moment of necrophilia, but there's a new orange baby on the way.'

No, we are not naming another kid after a member of the Jersey Shore cast. Don't even think about it.

Instead, this is Tiger Tiger. She's named after a Duran Duran song, because it was Dusk's turn for an L.T.W.-related baby name, and because tigers are orange. It's a pretty weak reference considering, but it song name, remotely related to something orange, that I was happy with as a baby name.

Anyway, she's Brave and Neurotic. I'll take Neurotic over another Insane Sim, any day.

And then, with another birthday on the cards, I have no choice but to pay attention to Crush. Just look at her expression. She knows she's about to get facetime.

Crush: 'Bitch pwease, I don't need no help growing up. Ain't no TS2 baby.' 

Crush: 'I can gwow up just fine on my own.'

If you say so.

Crush: 'Did you just say what I think you said, Mr. Right Pinky finger? Do you dare to insinuate that dogs are superior to cats?'

Crush: 'By jove, Mr. Right Pinky! Such blasphemy, I have not heard in all days as a loyal servant of the Great Feline Empire. This indignity surely, will not be tolerated in the court of law.'

Crush: 'Fair point, Senor Left Index, this is not Mr. Right Pinky's first offence. This will most certainly be taken into account by the Grand High Jury of Upper-Body Digits, when deciding on a penalty for such an atrocity-'

Crush: '-WHAT? What do you think you're doing with that camera?! Get that thing out! OUT NOW, I SAY.'

She grew up a Cat Person. Future Crazy Cat Lady, incoming.

Moses: 'HUGHBLUHLUH.'

Huh? Quit doing that derpy dance, Moses. What do you want my camera's attention for?

Moses: 'HELP ME.'

What are you doing Moses? Oh no. D:

Nooooooo!

Grim: 'Just a shitty little pile of ash, this time? What a disappointment. Oh well, let's get on with the theatrics.'

Grim: 'MOSES HEX! Get your teen vampire ass out here so I can reap you!'

Ooh, he makes a neat-looking ghost.

Moses: 'Oh, uh, hi Grim. I'm sorry about last time. You're kinda, uh, intimidating in person. I didn't mean to be so rude.'

Grim: 'Oh man, you're kidding me.'

Moses: 'Huh? Um, I'm so sorry if I did anything wrong. Please don't hurt me. But I, uh, guess that's kind of a silly thing to ask, you being the Grim Reaper and all-'

Grim: 'Here kid, bend over for a moment. I'm going to do something for you.'

Moses: 'Whoa! I'm, uh, I'm really flattered that you'd ask. But I'm not uh, into that kinda thing.'

Grim: 'GODDAMN, NOT THAT. Just bend over already.'

Moses: 'Wow, this feels nothing like I expected. I thought it'd be, uh, a little more forceful.'

Grim: 'Yeah, everyone says that their first time - NO HOMO GOD DAMMIT.'

Moses: 'Grim! Am I, uh, human again?'

Grim: 'Yup. For all the gratefulness you've shown for it.'

Moses: 'But why?'

Grim: 'Well, don't tell anyone I said this - except that chick standing behind you who's going to hear everything - but for having shamelessly reaped as many souls as I did, I couldn't do yours. You're just so pathetically Unlucky, man. It's almost as embarrassing to watch as it is funny. So I'm giving you a free pass on this one. For the sake of my own amusement, that is.'

Moses: 'Thank you, uh, Grim?'

Grim: 'Anytime, Moses. I mean, anytime. And remember.'

Moses: 'Yeah?'

Grim: 'No homo.'

Moses: 'Uh, sweetheart. I'm home.'

Dusk: 'That's nice, dear. Did you have a good day at work? I do like to hear about what it means to have a career, being chained to the cello all day.'

Moses: 'Oh, uh, you know. The usual demanding divas, working my fangs off. None of which had such a lovely jugular as you, I must say.'

Dusk: 'Moses, I am hearing what you are saying, and from what I can garner as vampire references, you are roleplaying. And you know how I feel about roleplaying.'

Moses: 'C'mon, don't I, uh, make a totally fang-tastically tasty vampire?'

Dusk: 'Moses, my brother was a roleplayer. He went on to get pregnant straight out of high school, to a man twice his age. Is that the kind of example you want to be setting to our kids?'

Moses: 'Hush now, dear. That blush is making you look far too delicious.'

Oh God, of all the pop-culture vampires out there, you have to take your pick-up lines from the worst one. 

Dusk: 'Well... maybe just once couldn't hurt. But go anywhere beyond the 21st century image of a vampire and the only embrace you will find yourself in is a headlock. Scariness is not tolerated in my bedroom, got it?'

Moses: 'Of course, my dear. I do hope you'll allow me, uh...

Moses: ...Foreroleplaying, first, though?'



Dusk: 'Gosh Moses, L.A.R.Ping sure is... realistic...'



Dusk: '...The graphics are pretty crap though, heheh...'

Moses: 'It's all right, dear. Just focus on the cheap animations and shitty pixel bats flying around your head.'

Maybe if you do, nobody will notice the next picture transition shamelessly crashing through the roof.

Dusk: 'Oh no... this must be a side-effect. I knew that roleplaying scenario would come back to haunt me.'

Whaat? It's not even a day since you were bitten! All my other vampires have taken three days to transform. Maybe it's quicker when you have a Sim bitten by their lover.

Dusk: *prepares to fire lazer*

Shitty Pixel Bats: 'Lol, she's naked underneath.'

Wow. Dayum, she's scary. I think it will take me a while to get used to this.

Dusk: 'I'm not used to be being so intimidating. This is kind of...'

Shh. Don't say it.

Anyway, the main reason I made her a vampire was so her L.T.W doesn't take up every last second of her life. Also because I wanted her and Moses to age at the same rate. I don't really remember why I made him a vampire. Maybe I wanted to try out the lover's bite?

So, here she is playing cello in a shady downtown club and looking unusually badass,

Meanwhile, Anais is having pre-EP supernatural experiences of her own with the cheap purple hooker dumbass genie we got from the 'Dusty Old Lamp' L.T.R.

Anais: 'You know, all I could ever want is to be reunited with my husband again...'

STOP IT, ANAIS. THOSE KINDS OF THOUGHT BUBBLES ARE EXCUSABLE WITH A 'MOURN' MOODLET. NOW YOU ARE JUST DEPRESSING ME.

Genie: 'OMG, is that the ice-cream man I heard?'

Anais: 'You get tired of hearing him, after a while.'

Genie: 'Sweet, see ya!'

Anais: 'Well I don't know if  he's looking to attract your kind of age group, if you know what I mean...'

She never came back after that. Stupid glitchy lamp. . >:(

And oh look, more happenings of a bloodthirsty nature this way.

The results of such bloodthirsty happenings will be revealed in the next chapter.

Dun dun dun. But seriously, TT turns out pretty good.